Well dear, dear people. I survived my trip to Middlesbrough and am back with my dignity and my virginity intact. My goddaughter is going to grow up to be a heartbreaker indeed and coupled with her mischievous but lovable nature, I can see why they chose me to be her, ahem, spiritual advisor.

Now, things move back into their normal routine. I shall be seeing x-men 3:Hugh Jackman's Pants next week followed, on Saturday, by the Gay Event of the year. Yes, the Eurovision Song Contest is upon us again. Although, frankly I can't see what the rest of Europe gets out of it as they don't have Terry Wogan's wonderfully sarcastic commentary to listen too. Come on people it cant all be about the frocks and dance routines you know, no matter what the gay handbook says. There has to be at least some bitching involved...