Saturday, March 31, 2007


Thing 1 and I coined a new word today.

It is a habit of the press in the UK to coin acronyms for different social classes, I am not sure how widespread this habit is, or whether is is just a British thing but in the past few decades we had YUPPIES (Young Urban Professional), YUMMY (Young Upwardly Mobile Mum) and then DINKIES (Double Income No Kids). Now I am surprised nobody has come up with this before, but after some thorough research (5 minutes on google) we decided that we were the first people to use the word PINKIE in reference to outr neighbours. Not because they are some kind of communist household, but rather that they are a well established gay couple with a decent income and their own house. PINKIE stands for Pink Income No Kids.

We hear a lot of tales in the gay community of how strong the Pink Pound is and how lucrative a target market we are and I think it is true. I mean seriously, did they really think it was kids that kept Steps at the top of the charts for so long? Would Dolly Parton have been wealthy enough to build the kingdom of camp that is Dollywood if not for those Cowboys in rhinestones that *ahem* admire Tom of Finland so much? And KD Lang's Ingenue album certainly did not chart so high through her dress sense.

Our Gaybours (also a new word copyright Thing 1 and Gaymo) are constantly upgrading their house. Almost each month there is a new bathroom being added or a new super wide, flatscreen tv appearing in another room/hall/toilet/cupboard. It is quite heartwarming to think that whilst our wonderful heterosexual brothers and sisters often do not get to spend their money on themselves until the kids have been thrown into the real world by the scruff of their necks, we only have ourselves and occasional cats and dogs to spend out hard earned money on.

Of course I am certainly not there yet, still being a hedonistic singleton who spends his hard earned cash on Pink Converse and impressing boys. Thankfully, here is where the gaycosystem REALLY starts to work. What do those PINKIES do with all the 6 month old electronics, furniture, gadgets and porn that is now so horrendously out of date? Why they donate it to us younger, less upwardly mobile (more horizontally stationary) homos!! This is why our living room sports two newish trendy sofas and a fabulous new Television. It is Nurture over nature at its best.

Thing 1 has just informed me that PINKIES should really be reserved for gay men, our sapphic sisters apparently should henceforth be referred to as LICKERS (Lesbian Income, Cat, Kids, Exes, Renovations, Strap-ons)

Go forth my minons and work hard to ensure that these are in the Oxford English Dictionary as soon as possible. Fly my pretties, FLY!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Oh my god I have been SO utterly bored. I would have updated my blog in the last three weeks, but sadly I have been off work with a slipped disc, so the most interesting thing I have seen is the four walls of my (admittedly fabulous) remarkably tidy room.

Before I get a flood of comments asking whether I did it during some kinky sex games, the answer is sadly not. It was even gayer that that. I was happily ensconced at my desk at work when a colleague decided it would be funny to poke me in the ribs. Now, as with everything I do, when I jump I go the whole hog and I must have levitated about six inches from my chair and twisted my spine in an awkward manner. So yes, it did involve another gay, six inches and poking, but alas not in the fun way.

Now I wont bore you with details of the pain involved in a slipped disc, but what I do want to say is how utterly FABULOUS the drugs they give you are. I have been on a cocktail of strong painkillers, anti-inflammatory pills and muscle relaxants (which just happen to be the divine Diazepam). Now, I don't know what my housemates found funniest, the sight of me hobbling around or the fact that I had less of an attentions span than a homosexual with Freddie Ljungberg on one side of the road and Kylie on the other. Simple anecdotes would take an age to finish as I wondered off on various tangents that had little to do with the original subject matter...

So you see, that is why I waited until I was off the bulk of the pills before creating a blog entry and only have a picture of my recent New York trip to illustrate it with. Other wise you would have had 1000 words talking about how great daytime tv is and what I would have worn to the oscars, but also did you know what I had for dinner and isn't Daniel Radcliffe HOT these days (out of my mind you see).

So, back to regular broadcast schedule with a more coherent, more focused...

Oh look, America's Next Top Model is on, must dash....

Friday, March 02, 2007

I spotted this little chap on my way to work and It got me thinking...Is life so stressful in London that it even forces the pigeons to turn to alcohol and cigarettes? It has been a funny few weeks and today kind of capped it for me, my day was dull and little difficult and ended with me saying farewell to a lovely girl who is emigrating and I shall miss terribly, but two of my close friends had absolutely awful evenings, one unfortunate and one positively appalling. I wont go into detail about either as they are rather personal and I am not one to divulge personal details of friends lives unless there is some comic value in the retelling, but both of these were linked in some way, I believe, to city living. Being a part of that huge, anonymous, gray urban sprawl.

In a way it has been a bit of a kick in the pants for me. I realised that for the past few months I have been coasting along letting life happen to me, Just sitting back and sinking into that amorphous mass that is the inhabitants of any city in the world. Where has my drive gone? My enthusiasm and creativity? I haven't been unhappy per se, but I HAVE been incredibly passive (and SO not in the good way dammit) falling into a routine that was comfortable but static.

I think that I need to really work on getting myself out of this rut I have made for myself (mmm rut) and start concentrating on moving my life forward again. I will focus more on my writing, spend some time looking for another job and maybe do a course in something or other. I have been toying with the idea of expanding my practical skills in some way and maybe Project Runway/Catwalk will inspire me to do fashion design. Something I toyed with at college but never really threw myself into. Who knows what the future will hold if only I put my mind to it. It is about time I stopped advising other people and listened to what I am saying myself.

Wish me luck and pour me an Apple Martini, I may be home late tonight...