How IS a boy to spend a lonely bank holiday weekend when his current source of fun is in a completely different country? Go clubbing with his friends? Shop until his credit card screams to stop? Take a fabulous mini-break somewhere exotic and warm? OR stay home with a big bag of pringles and watch the new Dr Who on tv.

Yes, you guessed it, the latter option was the one I went with. Well really, I know Dr Who is the new national gay pastime, but who can resist the charms of that sexy devil David Ten-Inch and ex pop nymphet Billie Piper? Not me, that's for sure.

I was planning on spending time with Housemate no 1 for her amazing lesbionic birthday, but she decided to stay at her girlfriends instead whilst housemate 2 dutifully visited their mother and housemate 3 was working and then drinking with the indie gays in New SoHo (Vauxhall). I felt a little like Scarlett O'Hara rattling round Gaymosexual Towers all on my own, that was until next doors cat came in for some company like she often does, only to be followed by their other cat, a small black timid thing we call Gobelina. Suddenly I flash forward 20 years and I am sat in a small house with an immaculate garden and stacks of books holding everything up. Yes, I am destined to be that mythic Crazy Cat Lady. Only male. I must take steps to prevent this straight away, right after Alias.............