Luckily I have learnt many things from these incidents. Mainly that Policemen, Doctors and Criminals are cuter than you think and that no matter how low life can get, nothing will distract me from my woes like a handsome guy. Or just a guy really. Or a butch Lesbian, they can be cute too for those first few moments before you realise that they are a lady. Even then, you know, sometimes, if it was dark and I had had a few appletini's. Who would know? Oh, you guys now apparently. SHHH! KEEP IT SECRET!
Anywho. Jenny would invite me to a fantasy dinner party huh? Here is a picture of me to give you an example of my table manners...
Things haven't improved much since then. Jenny, bless you dear I would be there like a shot. I make a mean Potato Salad and I promise not to touch anyone's husband unless I have written consent. Also, I will not make snarky comments on peoples dress sense (unless it is as a cutting aside that only you can hear) AND I have learnt now that adding absinthe to the punch isn't suitable for everybodys constitution. Also I get on great with kids, I know ALL the words to High School Musical and Enchanted. Um, that isn't something to be proud of is it? I can teach your little one how to vogue? I could bring traditional english food like Spotted Dick, Faggots in Gravy and Toad-In-The-Hole!!
Hello? Jenny? Why is your door locked and all your lights off? I can hear you in there? JENNNYYYY????
