Thursday, August 21, 2008

Table Manners

Oh dear. Jenny The Bloggess has shamed me into posting by mentioning me in this entry on Good Mom/Bad Mom. I know I am useless but it has been a rough few months, a cousin was murdered and a dear friend has been in hospital with a life threatening illness and now I am on Jury Service.

Luckily I have learnt many things from these incidents. Mainly that Policemen, Doctors and Criminals are cuter than you think and that no matter how low life can get, nothing will distract me from my woes like a handsome guy. Or just a guy really. Or a butch Lesbian, they can be cute too for those first few moments before you realise that they are a lady. Even then, you know, sometimes, if it was dark and I had had a few appletini's. Who would know? Oh, you guys now apparently. SHHH! KEEP IT SECRET!

Anywho. Jenny would invite me to a fantasy dinner party huh? Here is a picture of me to give you an example of my table manners...



Things haven't improved much since then. Jenny, bless you dear I would be there like a shot. I make a mean Potato Salad and I promise not to touch anyone's husband unless I have written consent. Also, I will not make snarky comments on peoples dress sense (unless it is as a cutting aside that only you can hear) AND I have learnt now that adding absinthe to the punch isn't suitable for everybodys constitution. Also I get on great with kids, I know ALL the words to High School Musical and Enchanted. Um, that isn't something to be proud of is it? I can teach your little one how to vogue? I could bring traditional english food like Spotted Dick, Faggots in Gravy and Toad-In-The-Hole!!

Hello? Jenny? Why is your door locked and all your lights off? I can hear you in there? JENNNYYYY????

11 comments:

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

This post is proof that I made the right choice.

Come on over. I'll warm up the gravy.

Woodlandmama said...

I love spotted dick. Can I come? I make a mean guacamole, which doesn't go with any of the foods you mentioned, but we'll get real drunk so it doesn't matter.

Gaymosexual said...

Guacamole is made from Avocado's which are the Devil's Testicles. SO you may have to get me even drunker to eat it! BUT, your profile says Serenity is one of your favourite films so we can crack open a bag of chips and watch that. You dip in the Guacamole I will dip in the Salsa.

It's my sofa, I bagsy the captain ;)

Woodlandmama said...

Whatever I'm more of a Wash girl myself. I have a thing for wacky. I also make amazing chocolate/coconut macaroons.

Gaymosexual said...

NOW you are talking! I never say no to a macaroon.

Katie said...

Wow. Yesterday I found her royal Blogessness, and through her, I found you. Lucky two days :)
I give you consent to touch my husband, but only on his pecs (which are amazing). Gay men seem to be drawn to him. So that will be my offering to you, if you promise to post more than once every 3 months.
On Monday, I am going to post about this great faux gay couple I know (I'm waiting until Monday because apparently nobody reads blogs on the weekend unless they are, um, a total loser). Yeaahhh.

Gaymosexual said...

Mmm pecs. I promise to keep my hands ABOVE the table ;)

I never do married men, or partnered men, or men who are easily missed...

Kelley said...

Boy, if you know how to vogue you are coming to MY HOUSE. I miss my vogueing buddy Simon.

And if you know all the words to RENT my 16 year old wants you for her 'musical'...

Gaymosexual said...

I vogued out of the womb darling!

Um, I know I am embarrassingly conforming to the gay stereotype but I may have seen RENT several times. Certainly more than once and less than Five Hundred Twenty Five Thousand Six Hundred times...

Anonymous said...

Ah my lovely and very stereotypical (in some ways) gay best friend...I'm loving that you posted another entry. About bloody time!

LB xxx

Effie Z said...

Today is November 14...I'm getting worried about Jenny The Bloggess and her nefarious dinner parties. Is she holding you hostage with no computer privileges?

If you're at Jenny's, give a sign. I will send the illustrious HPD to spring you!!

Effie