Monday, April 20, 2009

Ginko Biloba

I had THE most amazing voicemail on my work answering machine the other day. A woman from a school office telephoned to book theatre tickets and was obviously chatting and didn't hear the voicemail kick in so continued her conversation on my machine.

This is an ACTUAL transcript of the conversation that occured.

Woman 1) Doesn’t have to be for life does it?

Woman 2 ) I think I am also just thinking, which I think, I think brides do don’t they they always think about people in the past

Woman 1 ) Yep yep

Woman 2 ) So I think you know, in some respects people like James, hah, I could talk to him for hours I just don’t, well Will and I don’t talk for hours, never have done really.

Woman 1) But you didn’t want to Fuck Will, um James,

Woman 2) No that’s so true.

Woman 1) But you do want to Fuck Will?

Woman 2) Well I am not really up for sex, I am not bothered by it.

Woman 1) Aren’t you?

Woman 2) No, I completely lost my sex drive.

Woman 1) I’m gagging for it.

Woman 2) Just completely

Woman 1) Wonder why?

Woman 2) I don’t know.

Woman 1) Try taking Ginko Biloba. Gets your circulationm stimulates your bits

Woman 2) Lovely

Woman 1) Its really good for your heart and because it stimulates your circulation it makes your bits tingle.

Woman 2) Maybe that’s what I need to do.

Woman 1) I wonder why that is?

Woman 2) I Don’t know.

At which point there is a sharp intake of breath and the call ended.

She hasn't called back yet!